


Enchantment in the Savage Land: a Special Report by Kamala Khan

by dirigibleplumbing



Category: Avengers Assemble (Cartoon)
Genre: Deathbed Kiss, Enchantress (Marvel) - Freeform, Fluff, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Humor, Kamala Khan writes fanfiction, M/M, Meta, POV Outsider, Psychic Abilities, Savage Land (Marvel), Sort Of, in which Kamala is all of us
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 03:16:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19737211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirigibleplumbing/pseuds/dirigibleplumbing
Summary: Kamala takes a deep breath and tries to steady her hands as she types,Notes from interview with Captain America (!!!) and Iron Man (!!!!!) on how they got together romantically.





	Enchantment in the Savage Land: a Special Report by Kamala Khan

**Author's Note:**

> For the “canon: Avengers Assemble” square of my Stony bingo.
> 
> This doesn't take place during a particular time in Avengers Assemble canon, other than Kamala being around. No knowledge of Avengers Assemble is needed. For the purposes of this story, it's just a lighter MCU where Steve and Tony are best friends, the Avengers all live together in the Tower, and a number of other characters are Avengers too, like T'Challa, Scott, and Kamala.

Kamala takes a deep breath and tries to steady her hands as she types, _Notes from interview with Captain America (!!!) and Iron Man (!!!!!) on how they got together romantically._

“You’re jumping ahead of yourself,” Tony is saying, wearing that besotted expression he always gets when he looks at Steve. “The story starts with Enchantress.”

“Right,” Steve agrees. His hand is totally on Tony’s thigh. Just casually, right there where Kamala can see it and everything. “We were fighting the Masters of Evil.”

“I was there for that!” Kamala says. Zemo had reappeared, as the team had long suspected he would, with a brand new lineup for his villain team-up. “Part of it, anyway.” Early on in the battle, she’d been hit with a spell that turned her into a beaver. Even a beaver with stretchy and embiggening powers wasn’t all that useful in a fight. 

“Well, after you were beaver-ified,” Tony begins, waving a hand with a flourish to indicate the transformation, “they split up, so Steve and I ended up following Enchantress to the Savage Land.” 

They’d been over all of that in the team meetings and on the final mission report. (Kamala always reads over the mission reports so she knows what’s going on with the rest of the team. Okay, and also so she knows the details of her teammates’ lives and thus her fanfiction can be as accurate as possible.) “And you got together after spending so much time together in such close proximity?” she guesses. 

Steve nods at the same time that Tony says, “Not exactly.” 

Kamala looks between them, expectant. Steve sighs and Tony rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. “Well, we didn’t put this in the mission report, but this is just for your special fan club chat group, right?”

“It’s hosted on a private server, totally safe from third-parties,” she assures him. “And everyone on it got past Friday’s background checks.”

“So, just like we said in the report, she got away because she hit us with a spell and we were distracted long enough for her to teleport,” Tony picks up. “But what we didn’t say is what the spell was.” Like an afterthought, he adds, “Or that it was my fault we got hit.”

Steve’s face sours. “How was it possibly your fault? If anything—”

Tony rolls his eyes. “C’mon Steve, it’s just Kamala, you don’t have to cover for me.”

“I’m not ‘covering for you,’” Steve says. “If I’d been faster, it never would have gone anywhere near you.” 

Tony holds up his hands placatingly. “Okay, okay, agree to disagree. Geeze.” 

“So what was the spell?” Kamala asks. 

“Mind reading.” 

“Oh my gosh!” This is a dream come true. Kamala has written two Cap/Iron Man fics featuring mind reading, though she’s only published one of them, and it also involved a lot of tentacles. “So your minds connected and you felt your love for each other and fell into each other’s arms?”

Steve chuckles and squeezes Tony’s thigh. (Is it higher up the inside of his leg now? Kamala will have to check the footage later.) He gazes at Tony so fondly he might as well have cartoon heart eyes bouncing in and out of his eye sockets. “If only,” he says. “It was a bit more… protracted than all that.” 

Even better. “So you spent hours tensely avoiding thinking about how much you love each other?”

Steve frowns. “Well,” he sounds thoughtful. “Not really. There were a lot of practical considerations.”

“Like the giant dinosaurs,” Tony agrees. 

“Yeah, and then finding water—” Steve begins. 

“Setting up the armor to run sentry mode even though the satellite connection was down and Enchantress had singed the main communications panels—” Tony picks up.

“And building a structure to spend the night in,” Steve finishes. 

"Yeah,” Tony says, as if it’s no big deal that he and his boyfriend casually finish each other’s sentences. “And that’s when it got tricky.” 

“Because you were finally in a relatively safe place and able to let your minds wander?” Kamala asks. 

Steve nods. Tony shakes his head. “Well, that and—”

“You said you wouldn’t mention—”

“—I’d gotten suited up in a hurry and wasn’t, you know, wearing a lot,” Tony plows on, “so Steve insisted on giving me _his_ clothes and—”

“Wait,” Kamala cuts them both off. Steve looks relieved. Tony raises one eyebrow, Spock-like, in her direction, the way he does whenever anyone (well, anyone who isn’t Steve) dares to interrupt him. “Why is _Steve_ embarrassed that _Tony_ was naked?”

“Mostly naked,” Tony corrects hastily, then cuts himself off. He exchanges a glance with Steve. “Anyway,” he says after a moment. “Steve had to take off the uniform to give me the clothes he’d actually had on under _his_ outfit, and give me those, so then I was thinking about, you know, half-naked Captain America—”

Kamala is just beginning to realize that what Steve was embarrassed by was no doubt his— _ahem_ —physical reaction to Tony being (mostly) naked when Steve interrupts Tony again. “Tony,” he chastises. “Why do you do that?”

“Do what, Cap?” Tony asks, giving Steve a look that reminds Kamala of a morose basset hound. 

“Make it sound like you’re just—some kind of superficial, sex-crazed—” 

“C’mon, anyone who got to see you peeling off that uniform would be—” 

“Like that! You’re with me, right Kamala?”

“Uh,” Kamala looks between the two of them. “Well, you do kind of embody a certain ideal of societally-determined, kyriarchy-reinforcing physical beauty,” she says. “You know, as far as being a perfectly symmetrical, muscular, hairless blond guy?” 

Tony laughs. Steve scowls, which seems to only amuse Tony further. “I meant about Tony selling himself short.” 

“Oh! Well that too,” Kamala agrees. “Tony wasn’t voted into the top ten of the ‘Sexiest Men Alive’ on five separate occasions for nothing.” 

Steve throws up his hands in frustration. Kamala watches carefully as he gesticulates, hoping to catch the moment he lowers them again to see where on Tony’s body they might land. “He wasn’t thinking about my body. He was thinking it was sweet that I was changing so he could be warm. He was looking forward to getting to wear my clothes.” 

“Oh. My. God!” Kamala’s sure she looks bug-eyed but is too excited to care. “Tony Stark, that is the cutest thing ever!” 

Tony crosses his arms. (Kamala notes that Steve has an arm around Tony’s waist now, and that Tony is melting into the touch even as he tries to look put out.) “Yeah, fine, I’m a sap. You know it, Kamala knows it, soon an entire Avengers Fan Club will know it.”

“Now that the whole team knows we’re together,” Steve says softly, eyes only for Tony, who has turned back to meet his soft gaze, “you can wear my clothes whenever you want.” 

“Yeah?” Tony has half his face quirked up in a smile that Kamala thinks is aiming at glib, but lands somewhere closer to timid. 

“Yeah,” Steve says, and then—Kamala can’t believe this is happening right in front of her eyes!—lifts a hand to tuck a strand of Tony’s hair behind his ear. “I’d love to see you walking around with my star on your chest.” 

They only have eyes for each other now. They’re even getting all misty, and Kamala thinks of the hazy, vaseline-on-the-camera-lens shots in Star Trek: the Original Series whenever Kirk gazes at a beautiful woman (or Spock). 

She must sigh out loud because they both jolt out of it at the same time. Steve clears his throat and turns bright red, ducking his head, while Tony smirks and catches Kamala’s eye. Kamala gives him a thumbs up, totally playing along that he and Steve were just eye-fucking each other like Tony wants her to think. As if she hasn’t just witnessed some kind of beautiful soulmate mind-meld right in front of her. Yeah, right. 

“We kept, you know, thinking things like that at each other, just here and there,” Steve starts up again, voice surprisingly steady. “But none of that was enough for either of us to realize.” 

“What did it, then?” Kamala asks. “Sleeping side-by-side, sharing heat in your small shelter against the freezing rain?” 

Steve frowns. “It wasn’t raining.”

“I’ll have you know I was a perfect gentleman in that ramshackle lean-to,” Tony says. “And Cap was too—that goes without saying.”

“Tony would start doing equations in his head whenever he was worried he might think something he didn’t want me to know,” Steve explains. 

“And Steve sings.”

Kamala cocks her head. Steve looks faintly red again. “Sings?” 

“In his head,” Tony clarifies, smiling at Steve like he’s the only one in the world to do anything so delightful. “Old Irish stuff, mostly. Some hits from the 30’s. Marching songs, that kind of thing.” 

“Did it bother either of you that the other one was keeping things from you?”

“Nah,” Steve says. “Would’ve been hypocritical, don’t you think?”

“Yeah,” Tony agrees easily. “And I think I was too busy trying not to think _I love you Steve Rogers_ to notice. That, and, we were sort of trying not to listen too much to the other. Respecting personal privacy and all that.”

“So it was the next day, in the morning, that we finally realized.”

“Yeah, turns out Cap has an engineering kink.” 

“You’re doing it again,” Steve grumbles. 

Tony rolls his eyes. 

“And ‘competence kink’ or ‘genius kink’ might be more accurate,” Steve says quietly, then turns pink all the way from the end of his nose to the tips of his ears. 

“Ha!” Tony barks, then leans over and _pecks Steve on the nose_. Kamala isn’t sure how she's currently conscious and not passing out due to the astronomical levels of adorableness. If she had a tricorder that measured adorableness, it wouldn't have a unit high enough to measure their love—not with a reasonable number of significant digits, anyway. Their love is bigger than a skyscraper enlarged by Pym particles. “But yeah, even 1940’s style repression was no match for Cap watching me build a communication device out of scraps.” 

“Then did you kiss?” Kamala asks, feeling breathless. 

“Well, we were both thinking about it, but that’s when the—what was it called, again?”

“Allosaurus,” Tony says. 

“Thanks sweetheart.” ( _Sweetheart!_ repeats Kamala’s brain, in flashing, buzzing neon.) “That’s when the allosaurus showed up.” 

“And Zemo,” Tony puts in.

“And Enchantress,” Steve finishes. 

“So we were a little distracted from kissing.” 

“Tony had sent the Iron Man suit up above the canopy to get a signal out,” Steve says, growing more serious. 

“So Mr. Chivalry here decides that with me not in the armor, the thing to do is to throw himself in front of me, and get _shot_ ,” Tony says, and he looks a little pale thinking about it. “ _That’s_ when I kissed him.” 

_Deathbed kiss_ , Kamala types, then highlights it with a bright yellow background. She contemplates it, then adds two heart emojis on either side, one pair pink and animated, the other making a kissy face. 

“Hey, I kissed _you_ ,” Steve says, giving Tony a playful smile. 

“Don’t joke, you were barely conscious—”

“I’m fine,” Steve says, all reassuring, old-time baseball announcer baritone, taking Tony’s hand in both of his own and clasping it like it’s something precious. 

“You weren’t,” Tony says, staring down at where they’re touching. “I kept thinking—” 

“I know,” Steve says, voice impossibly soft, so full of affection and tenderness Kamala’s sure people can feel it resonate all the way in Jersey City. Steve leans forward, touching his forehead to Tony’s. “I could hear you, remember?” 

Tony swallows, closes his eyes. “I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

Kamala holds her breath, terrified of breaking the moment. They sit like that with their foreheads pressed together for some time, so long Kamala starts to wonder if maybe it _is_ a mind-meld. 

“So, yeah, you know the rest.” Tony’s voice is a little unsteady, Kamala thinks. He counts off each point on his fingers. “The allosaurus chomped Zemo, the armor came back just in time for me to uni-beam Enchantress in the face, the rest of the team showed up in the quinjet in the nick of time. We couldn’t find Zemo’s body, we got Steve to medical and Enchantress in a cell, Strange broke the mind-reading spell, Steve recovered, there was awkward hospital bed kissing, and now here we are.” 

“Is that all you need, Kamala?” Steve asks. 

“This is great,” she assures him. Steve and Tony are already on their feet, holding hands and sharing significant glances. 

As they walk off toward Tony’s penthouse, Kamala types, _Then the two heroes left to have life-affirming soulmate sex. The end._

**Author's Note:**

> Find me [on Tumblr](http://dirigibleplumbing.tumblr.com/).
> 
> [Tumblr post for the fic here](https://dirigibleplumbing.tumblr.com/post/186157102762/enchantment-in-the-savage-land-a-special-report).


End file.
